“Far too many people are looking for the right person instead of just trying to be the right person” -Gloria Steinem.
I was telling a friend the other day that I hate Disney’s version of what love is like. This whole idea that women are weak and constantly need saving from situations is upsetting as a modern woman. We, women, have so much strength and power that we are limiting ourselves by waiting for a man to save us. We have the power to save ourselves, but we are spoon fed these stories from childhood that we need a brave, strong, handsome man to save us. We can be brave. We are strong. We are Beautiful!
I think that as a teen, I felt that I was a healer, I dreamed of touching someone and healing them. I started envisioning that I was surrounded by a light of love and healing energy that flowed through my hands. I once had a friend that told me that when I touched them that they could feel the love I had for them, I felt proud that my meditations and intentions came through so powerfully. All my hard work was paying off, I was on my way to being the healer I wanted to be.
Back to my point, I loved loving others and healing them with my love, which is a great thing. But it can also be dangerous in that if you put that love into the wrong person, you can slowly whither and finally die. By dying, I mean losing sight of your gifts and purpose. As women, we are drawn to broken men, we cannot help it. We think that if we just love them enough we can heal them and they can be the person we want/ need them to be. But how many times does that actually work? How many times does that same man we built up with our love actually leave and give his love to another? Then we are left alone, crying, wondering why we weren’t enough. This scenario goes for males too, but as a woman I felt I could speak to our motivations better.
Then we pick up the pieces and try to make sense of the chaos that was left behind when we suddenly find another broken person that needs our love. Then the cycle starts again, leaving us heartbroken and lost. Unless we take time to reflect on our experiences and ask why we are pouring our love, time, and energy into broken people who do not care, we will forever be stuck in this martyr cycle. It is time to break the cycle.
I think the only way to break that cycle is to decide consciously that you are going to take a break from loving broken people or people who do not know what they want or people that cannot accept true love when it is given. You and only can decide when that is enough for you, I can offer a suggestion for when that time has come. When you find yourself apologizing for everything, even though you are the one giving in the relationship. When you have given your time and your energy, when you find that you cannot think of a single thing more to give them, but that isn’t good enough for them. Maybe it is time for you to say to your poor heart (take pity on your heart, by the way), “I cannot make them love me, no matter how hard I try, I cannot make them love me. But I can give myself the love I am giving them.” How do you give yourself that love?
I started another page called, “Date Yourself”. On it, I post steps on how to date yourself. Imagine you are on a first date with yourself. I imagine me and Morgan having dinner. I ask Morgan (that is my name) things I would ask another person I was getting to know. Things that matter to me, things I would want to know about a lover. I found that when I turned the love I had been giving so freely inwards, that I could have healthy boundaries in relationships. I didn’t have to get sucked into others lives and try to fix all their problems. I could love them, send them healing energy, be a friend to them, and we both continue on our life paths. There is a difference between truly loving someone for who they are (flaws and all) and loving them because you can fix them. If you are tired of loving someone only to have them leave, try loving yourself first. Then see the type of people you attract. So, let’s grow together and learn to love ourselves.