“Make friends with people who want the best for you.” -Dr. Jordan Peterson 12 Rules for Life
I started reading Dr. Peterson’s book about a week ago, so I am just on Chapter 3. I haven’t really dived into it other than to read the title and reflect on what it means to make friends with people who want to see you succeed.
About a year ago, I started setting my intentions on finding people that looked at me like the person I was becoming. I am still becoming that person in my head, and that is fine. Just as long as I continue on my path of becoming her, is what matters. I started noticing that some people I was around was very negative in my growing and becoming the person I wanted and was meant to be.
As an empath, I felt horrible thinking about leaving them behind and moving on, but I noticed that if I was around them for too long, I struggled with negativity. Instead of progress, I was regressing. All the progress I had made through therapy and meditation was erased when I was around them. I loved them, I wanted them happy, but I needed to take care of my life path. I needed to find my own purpose. I was ready to break through the surface of my life soil, but they were still germinating.
In January, I started learning how to compost. It was too cold to start my compost bin outside, but I started a bin in my basement. As I was learning how to cultivate the compost. Mixing the right number of green and brown parts, I started reflecting how personal relationships were the same way. I had to make sure that what I was putting in the bin would be broken down and provide nutrients to the soil I was going to mix it with to plant my seeds in.
As I started learning about what was good and bad to include, I started reflecting on my relationships with others. What was I getting out of the relationship? What was I putting into the relationship? Was I providing fodder to nourish them or was I sucking the nourishment from them? While relationships are never completely positive, I started noticing how I felt when I left my ‘friends’. Was I tired and emotional or was I energized from meaningful conversation? Was I depressed or motivated to change my life? Did I want to wallow in depression or get up and wash my face? These are the things to take into account when you are starting your healing journey. Pay attention to your body. It knows things you do not.
Around Valentine’s Day, I sent the intention out into the universe that I was ready for a friend that would inspire and challenge me. I also wanted someone that I could do the same for, I wanted someone that looked at me and saw who I was becoming, not just who I was in that moment. I wanted someone that could inspire me to be the person I wanted to be, not who I was in the past.
Not long after I sent that intention into the world, I met the most wonderful person at a group dinner. We started talking and we had similar interests. I had to her about starting a compost bin and she was doing the same. It was synchronicity at its best. We were conversing on different subjects and everything seemed like it was meant to be since we had so much in common. My significant other texted me (even though he as sitting next to me) and said that she was who I was saying would be a great friend for me. Not long after that, she jokingly asked where I had been all her life. Which made me feel amazing, but I also thought to myself that I had been loving all the wrong people.
After that night, I started evaluating my relationships and started pulling weeds from my soil to make room for more flowers like the one I had just found. To be honest, I have kept a couple weeds just because sometimes they can be fun and pretty but my garden isn’t full of them. Weeds also have a purpose. In some cases, they can hep protect the flower or plant from certain pests and diseases. But if there are too many, then the plant/flower starts starving. So you have to be selective about when, where, and why you keep certain weeds around. If you start noticing that you are still hungry after spending time with someone start questioning why.
In my spiritual, metaphorical compost where I deposited my previous weeds, I started breaking down why I was their friend. Why I was drawn to them? Why this and why that? I started breaking down the nutrients and asking myself the hard questions about the mistakes I had made in those relationships and started trying to fix the issues in my own attitudes and perceptions. I had to come to terms that in some relationships I was the weed for their flower. I wanted to reflect on the weeds and figure out how to use those experiences to nourish the relationships I am growing now. Why be surrounded by weeds or even be a weed, when I could be a flower in the garden of other beautiful flowers? So, lets stop being weeds and grow as flowers together.